“Can You Please Buy Me Some Cheesy Poofs…?”

My boyfriend came home from work about 9PM yesterday, and I really wanted a cheeseburger, some pizza, or cheesy poofs. I decided that the cheesy poofs were small so that would be the lesser of three evils.

He said, “Aren’t you on a diet?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want real food!”

“Well, I’m tired and it’s been a long day…why don’t you go get something to eat yourself?”

“I’m not wearing any shoes!”

I was also thinking, Tina probably has my mugshot posted in every fast food joint in SoCal, with the caption “Do not feed! She is  supposed to be on a diet, so if she asks for anything with a bun or fries, JUST SAY NO!”, so maybe it’s not a good idea to be seen in public asking for a large fry and double cheeseburger.

But the bottom line is, I didn’t get any non-diet food.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this diet isn’t about moderation in the first stages, because I could definitely moderate some cheesy poofs right about now…mmm cheesy poofs…

Dialogue between my over-fed brain and my logic:

Brain: Come on, one cheesy poof won’t hurt, right?!

Logic: Not today, but it will tomorrow when you weigh in…

Brain: Well, this is today, so let’s get some poofs…oops, I mean just one!

Logic: Aha, YOU LIE!

Brain: I don’t know what you’re talking – wait, see? Your old pal Stomach is growling!

Stomach: FEED ME, SEYMOUR!

Brain: See, he’s so hungry, he’s delirious!

Logic: I can’t; you’re on a structured eating plan, and…

Stomach: I DON’T CARE! FEED ME!!!

Logic: Brain, if you’d shut up, Stomach would be fine right now. Look what you did!

Brain: Once again, I don’t know what you’re talking about, so I’m ignoring you now. Sam, foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfood…

Me: Stop it!

Brain: Well, since I can’t have what I really want, I’ll torture you instead!

See what I have to deal with? Sigh.

Surrounded by Beverages, but Not a Drop to Drink

I…am…soooo…thirsty! For something NOT water, I mean. There’s tons of other things to drink here, but I’m pretty much stuck between water and Diet Coke (eew, fake sugar). A little rundown of what I’m looking at over here:

1. FIVE boxes of Capri-Sun 100% Juice – from concentrate, of course
2. 2 gallons of Gatorade (one blue, one yellow)
3. 4 12-oz. bottles of Gatorade
4. 6 12-oz. bottles of Propel “fitness” water (I found out that it was making me ill, so it’s just sitting there)
5. 5 cans of chocolate Walmart-brand Slim Fast
6. 1 46-oz. bottle of V8 V-Fusion Strawberry Banana fruit/vegetable juice mix
7. 1 gallon of apple juice
8. 12 cans of soda
9. 1 carton of Very Vanilla Silk

Blogreaders, please note that this was ALL bought for me prior to this diet. I don’t drink much at all, so this would last me at least two months – I water it all down – and soda would last two or more (I don’t really like carbonated drinks).

My boyfriend drinks nothing but Diet Coke and smoothies, so it’s sitting there…mocking me as it slowly expires, whispering, “Wow, I can’t believe you wasted all this money on stuff you can’t even drink. We are so delicious, remember? Come on, just a little bit won’t hurt…much…”

It’s really frustrating, not because I want it, but because I’m broke – in case you did not know, I’m a graphic designer, and we’re not known for being Mr. and Mrs. Buxaplenty – and have been poor all my life, so seeing perfectly good drinks just SITTING THERE waiting to be consumed is driving me nuts. I know, I know, “Why don’t you give it to someone?” I would…if I knew anyone, and they’d pay me for them 😀

I think this is the longest blog post I’ve written so far…what’s the deal?

Not to mention there’s TONS of food I can’t eat either. I don’t cook, everything is microwaved or cooked for me. Most everything I can eat must be cooked, like vegetables, chicken, steak, etc., so I don’t eat. Idid find out about the Low-Carb Burger at Carl’s Jr. so I guess that’s my only fast-food option.

Oh, and I went to Walmart with my boyfriend Sunday. I actually could walk around without much back pain – my back did become really stiff –  but my biceps were on fire because I was leaning on the cart so much. I started feeling a little weird near the end (it was hot in the store, and just the effort of standing up makes me sweat) so I went and sat in the car.

I think that’s all for now. Let me know if you have any questions, comments, or emotional outbursts!